[From Thoughts to Words...]
Both the sane & its counterpartDon't Say I Didn't Warn You!!
2007-01-29
So here it is...time for a rant...forewarning...
So I know I am not the first to think any of this, and I know it is not the end of the world. I love my family, don't get me wrong; they mean more to me than anything. However, I don't think I can live with them anymore. I do everything I can to prove myself to them and too often I feel I get nothing in return. They take things I say to them to build a confidence in them, and turn them against me. I always have a lot on my mind and too often have no one I feel I can say it to. So I mentioned to my mother that I wanted to talk to someone. Now anytime I have a disagreement with her or other in my family, or just have a concern, she tells me how I can just talk to this guy. Again, don't get me wrong, I want to talk, everyone needs some nonpartial party to talk to, but I do not EVER want it to be used against me. That is beyond wrong. I came home to figure things out because thing at my previous school were beyond clearly not working out for me. Coming home was supposed to be helpful, not a hinderance. I just wish I knew more of what I wanted out of life. Then again I also wish I didn't try to hard to make others happy. I am happy when I see others happy, so I am considering schools that would make my family happy. I know I am backtracking slightly here. But it makes even less sense in my head. Who knows...I don't know what to do, and I have to finish orgainizing my room, cause it is going to be a few hours and I think I just need to get my mind off of things for a while. (yeah right...that would be nice) Did I mention I think way too much??? I didn't? Okay...well I think too much.
Less than 3- BeBe
Start it off...
2007-01-26
Original post...yeaa. I can't always guarentee the sanity of my post to others. And sometimes it might just be me complaing; just as somewhat of a forewarning.
I have recently gone through a lot of changes in my life, from family life, to social life and soon I will be making changes in my spiritual life. All in hopes of being a happier person. All in hopes of finding my future, all in hopes of being all I can be. I wish that I could express in words the thoughts I have running in my head sometimes. There are too many times in my life when I find myself hiding what I feel from the world. As someone I know once told me. I am emotionally constipated. We were all sitting in the TV room of the house I was living and talking about different things. We were proposing certain questions to each other because we had just finished watching a really good Oprah. By any means, one of the girls down there proposed a question as such. "What is one thing people most likely don't know about you?" I explained how I hold in my feelings and rarely express my emotions. Subsequently another girl in the room said the same. She is one of the only people in the world who I feel I can truely talk to sometimes and it is truely ironic becuase when we first met we REALLY did not get along. Now I am rambling, and trying to get myself to the point. When I started to write this blog my point was that it is hard for me to express my emotions, and most of the time I can only get them out through writing or painting or just letting it out in some sort of creative outlet. I suppose that is all I have right now, as I am distraction by season 9 of Friends. I show I quite like. The End.
Less Than 3 -BeBe
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